Here I am not actually here.

I am writing this from the bath tub. I have a head pressure from tight muscles after carrying and dumping 5 gallon buckets of sand. im taking a bath in hopes to relax my mind and body and allow myself to be in the now.

The reality is the I'm not here. 

my mind is thinking about all the millions of things I want to accomplish or maybe do. 

I am planning to go swath today and harvest that alfalfa. I am thinking about how I haven't done a good sweat in a long time of a drenched shirt and maybe that's why I have all this head pressure. I think about how I want to drop a lot of weight and shape my body to be able to function easily and ease the load on myself. It's ironic you put load on the body to dump it. 

All that matters but it doesn't matter if I don't live here in the now. Where my feet are and in this instance the feet are touching the running water. 

So why do I do this? Why can't I allow myself to be here. For 10 minutes and allow myself the space to be. 

It's time to allow myself to rest & finally go for the things I want WHEN IM DOING IT. NOT WHEN I'M THINKING ABOUT IT. Because that's when I'm actually present.